Mind Blockers

Mind blockers are things that keep me from moving forward in life: stress, worry, anxiety, guilt, rejection, fear, apathy, confusion, break ups, huge decisions, and failed attempts. Whenever I feel these mind blockers, my logic literally goes out the window. I begin to think irrationally, and my body begins to operate like a robot--particularly around food. I eat safe foods that I know I don't have to have logic to eat and not go over in calorie count. Or, I feel like for some reason calories don't exist anymore, and I eat until my brain snaps back into place and I realize what I've done. Stress is the main factor, followed closely by rejection, and in third place: confusion. I work through my emotions with food--using mindless eating and exercising as a sort of therapy. I've grown to love and hate my ED all at the same time. I love it's comfort, but I hate its affects: feeling cold, tired, and foggy--and in reverse: feeling sick, fat, and out of control. My love/hate relationship has turned into part of my identity. It's like a close friend or family member--I can have anger and resentment towards them, but I will always love and forgive them at the end of the day--they will always be part of my life.

That's what I tell myself, but that doesn't have to be true.

I am compassionate, caring, inspiring, determined, hard working, smart, creative, sensitive, loving, funny, serious, cute, endearingly awkward, gentle, patient, loyal, and forgiving.
I am good at painting, drawing, music, theater, encouragement, sports, writing, innovation, having an open mind, cooking, visual memory, caring for others, school, and work.

I am good at so many things! And I am capable of more than I even realize at this moment! We all are! So, the question is: why do I focus on one thing I struggle with greatly, instead of all the good things I can do successfully. I bet, if I started thinking more about the things I love, and less about the thing I love sometimes but mostly hate....that thing would become less and less significant in my life.

What are you good at? What do you find your identity in? A higher power? Your successes? Your failures? What do you want to find your identity in? I can't imagine any of us want to place our identities on our failures or struggles, so, why do we do it? Can we destroy these mind blockers by the way we direct our thoughts? I think so.

I'm not my ED. I'm not my ED. I'm not my ED. I'm not my ED. I AM NOT AN EATING DISORDER. It cannot consume me, because there are too many other things filling me up. All the qualities I'm good at are overflowing, so there's not room for you ED.

Mind blockers, be gone.